The Gold Medals Of Montclair

In honor of the Winter Olympics, we wanted to award a couple gold medals to native Montclarions.  Why not add to the early podium-topper count?  Some of us are deserving here.

We’ve been watching the sports for hours and now the pairs ice skating has arrived.  Everyone keeps falling on their jumps, the music is tired, and the commentators aren’t feeling the love either.  So our attention started to wander…to local awards.

With a little imagination, we can envision the Montclarion award winners.  Drumroll, please…

  • Snowboard cross – Awarded to the school-kids running out of Montclair School, at least the last time we passed by.  Queue the kids, knocking each other out of the way as they leave school for the day.
  • Freestyle, aka bumps and jumps – Awarded to the local deer, as they navigate backyards and leap across the streets at dusk.  Don’t tell me you haven’t seen them navigating the hills before.  They do look like the freestylers, a bit!
  • Luge – Awarded to hikers during the recent rains, as they slide down the narrow and muddy East Bay trails.  Okay, this is something which I awarded to myself while sliding down a really soaked trail two weeks ago – and deserve that gold.
  • Downhill – Awarded to just about any driver hitting top speeds down Shepherd Canyon.  The route enables drivers to pick up speed and hang onto various curves, so it fits.  Heck, there are many folks who surely beat Bode Miller by a tenth here.
  • Cross country – Awarded to many commuters, as they simultaneously walk in the door at night and collapse on the floor.  You know how all the skiers keel over, the second they cross the finish line?  Well, it feels like us.